Laser swords

City of Villains/Heroes would be so much cooler if it had laser swords. Just an observation of mine.

Neverwinter Nights 2 comes out in a week or so. Burning Crusade comes out in a month. Gamer overload for me in my pocket book really. =(

My mother was in town this weekend. A friend of my family got married this weekend. It was really awesome. Really part of my family are friends that have been adopted as extended members of the family. We are kewl like that. So being apart of that and treated as part of the family is a great experience. They say "blood is thicker than water" but I say,"You don't choose your family, but you do choose your friends."

Accountability speaks volumes to your character.

My weekend was exhausting, but very awesome.

Golf Video Games

I'd play that gold game.

Procrastination

I've been putting off getting my dreams going for too long. ...

...I shall do so no longer.

What's an update?

So its been a bit in between updates. I guess its that time of the year. I get hit with a HUGE bought of depression and anxiety (summer sux..maybe its the heat).

This week has been the worse. I havne't been on warcraft much. I pretty much feel that if I can't enjoy it, I don't play it. This week I haven't been able to enjoy anything..so i've taken a week break from it for the most part (little spurts of addiction here and there).

Going to see "The Pulse" this weekend.

I'll let you all know how it is.

In the meantime..just remember...(click the title for a link to something funny).

ZZzzzzzzzz

WARLOCK!!!

Its beena while since I posted. Been busying having fun on warcraft.

So...news.

I've been promoted to trainer. Its lots of fun. I'm having a blast with it. Now..if I can get a pay raise. hehe.

Steve has been rediculously sick lately. His stomach problems are going throught he roof. on top of that, he's on the verge of losing his job. If he loses his insurance, we don't know how he'll be able to afford treatment.

Eric joined us on warcraft. This is very awesome! I miss gaming with him (among other things).

So...2 out of 3 good things going on. Now...if only they did bowel transplants.

Rogues do it from Behind

I've been playing on the Dalvengyr server allot lately. Slowly but surely i've gotten quite a few friends to join me as well.

So yesterday I broke down and formed a guild.

"Order of the Tempest"
--------------------------

So my doctor got the brilliant idea to take me off pain killers. My neck injury is making itself nice and uncomfortable on the back of my head and causing me a ton of pain. Not fun. I plan on going back to the doctor and requesting either something silly like an MRI, or to see a specialist. Funny thing about that, is he is a neurologist. =/

I think the problem is my previous doctor, who never really paid much attention to my headaches. I did have an MRI, but it was on the front of my face for sinus issues.

At this point my headaches and migrains have me scared out of my wits. Besides the fact that i'm in pain almost 24/7 now, the whole fact that the cause of them is still unknown has me very worried.
---------------------------

The rogue population on pvp servers is insane. Resonably so though. Now what will be interesting is to see how that changes after 1.12. Rogues are going to become more viable in PvE, and less devistating in PvP.

As it is right now, a PVP build for rogues is unstoppable. They can sneak up on any class and just stun lock the hell out of you. Hunters are supposed to be the equilizer in that, but most other classes have at least 2 other classes that can counter them.

And the Hunter has poor abilities to counter rogues. They need to give Warriors an ability that breaks stun, give mage's some sort of stealth detection reguarding "vanish" (which should be considered a spell), make vanish unable to remove curses (so warlocks curse of agony will prevent vanish or break it).
---------------------------

That is my 3 cents for the morning.

Dragon Bond

A dragon bond isn't as scary as it sounds. It's a bond issued in Asia for Asian investors and priced in US dollars. Dragon bonds are often issued to take advantage of the dollar's relatively stable price.

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. Been lazy, etc. Same shit different day. Work has been okay for the most part. I have a shift in responsibilities that gets me off the phone for half the day.

Playing on a pvp server in warcrack with a coworker or two (or 3 or 4). Trying to get some decent groupage going on Lethon (horde).

Um...so what have you guys been up to? (you know..that is what the comments section is for)

I'm thinking of getting back into martial arts. Just unable to decide which style. My gym membership will be at the 1 year point soon, and if I can find a decent dojo I may discontinue my gym membership in favor of martial arts. (can't afford both). We'll see.

FAQ: The Scourge Invasion World Event

Ghostwalka over on the official wow forums posts a very detailed FAQ of the new upcoming world event.
The Scourge will be invading in 1.11, and now you can get a heads up on what to expect.

CLICK HERE

Forward full impulse power.

I don't consider myself to be an impulsive person. I try to be reasonable about things in general, but then there are times when all that crap is bottled up too tightly. It uncorks from time to time.

I get depressed.

Not your typical moppy lethargic depression. More like every single thing i've done incorrectly over the last few months suddenly making itself terribly aparent for my own scrutinizing conciousness to mill over. Add that to an odd sense of inevitable, something. I can't describe it. Its just a feeling, and its really really really difficult to get around. (I suppose that is what happens when you feel something you cannot define). Its negative, and it drags me under the waves constantly.

If the world were an ocean seperating us all as islands, then above water is the thankful air, and life giving sky. While beneath the waves is the suffocating and dark miasma of all the things that try to destroy us in this world. My islands likes to slip beneath the waves from time to time.

If we could only get rid of the water, we would see we are all connected by common ground.

Resistance if futile.

So attempts to stave off pain killers was futile. My brain of course decided to rebel. I ended up missing 3 days of work. Then I was stable enough to try to enjoy my weekend. It was off and on. I went to see X-men 3. Good movie...total lack of continuity to #1 & 2, but still a good movie (just an aweful sequel).

I got to see it with Eric which was very kewl. Now I just need to pick his brain on what he thought of it. =)

I'm working on another Mutants & Masterminds game (been working on it before I saw x-men). The premise i'm thinking is the world is normal (as we know it), but one day hundreds of people of various ages sprout super powers. How would the world react to the sudden existence of super powered beings? People of all ages, backgrounds, nationalities.

These super beings of course won't be your typical "Morlock" lamers either. Each of them are designed to be god-like, and larger than life. What purpose did they suddenly exist? What triggered thier power to exist? Of course I already have that answer, but its much funner to let the players find out.

Resistance if futile.

So attempts to stave off pain killers was futile. My brain of course decided to rebel. I ended up missing 3 days of work. Then I was stable enough to try to enjoy my weekend. It was off and on. I went to see X-men 3. Good movie...total lack of continuity to #1 & 2, but still a good movie (just an aweful sequel).

I got to see it with Eric which was very kewl. Now I just need to pick his brain on what he thought of it. =)

I'm working on another Mutants & Masterminds game (been working on it before I saw x-men). The premise i'm thinking is the world is normal (as we know it), but one day hundreds of people of various ages sprout super powers. How would the world react to the sudden existence of super powered beings? People of all ages, backgrounds, nationalities.

These super beings of course won't be your typical "Morlock" lamers either. Each of them are designed to be god-like, and larger than life. What purpose did they suddenly exist? What triggered thier power to exist? Of course I already have that answer, but its much funner to let the players find out.

Freaks!!!!

There you are, reading someone's comments listed publicly on the web. Not just any comments, but deep, personal comments!!! ......and here I am typing them out. ;-)

So today starts another beginning where I go off the pain killers completely, and go back to no caffiene. We'll see how this starts doing for me. (cold turkey...was bad!!!)

Its 5:30 in the morning, and i'm at work. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Happy happy joy joy

So today is the day. I'm 28 years old. I've gotten allot of "happy birthdays" today, and thank you all. I may complain slightly that I "feel older", but like I said earlier..its not a complaint..just an observation.

I decided not to take today off from work. Which has worked into my favor. I get more off the phone responsibility, and that means less people talking to me on the phone.

Plus there is no reason to make a big deal out of it. I realize that once you've had 25 birthdays, they tend to lose thier excitement a bit.

The really funny part is i've had a few people ask me,"What are you doing for your birthday." Last time I checked, the tradition was that I wasn't supposed to make my birthday plans. But since its been left in my hands, my only set plan is to eat dinner with my parents. The rest of the time I plan to do ...whatever I want at the moment. hehehe.

No particular reason.

Its sunday. My birthday is tomorrow, and ..i'm kinda not looking forward to it, but at the sametime I am. I think they call this one of those moments when we just don't care.

I feel like i'm truelly turning 28. Not that I feel old, just older. (I think i've said that before) This isn't a gripe or anything, and I don't think its causing any anxiety. Its just a feeling. We all get it at some point, and now its my turn.

I hope I have successfully reconciled with an ex of mine recently. I'm always so terrified of hurting people. The closer I am to someone or the stronger I feel about them, the more affraid I am. This has lead to some rather annoying bouts of me not attending to certain needs of my own, or in the worst case, not allowing others a sense of closure due to me not just saying what I mean and dealing with it.

I don't like hurting people. As wierd as it sounds, I tend to feel some of the impact I make on others. Not in that strange "Betazed" psychic way, but because I have a rather annoying analytical side to my brain. It likes to play out scenerios in my head. Usually they are mostly negative. So if I do something, I generally get to kick myself a few times for it.

I don't let this get to me nearly as much as it used to.

Either way, there is always room for improvement, and even with that little bit of insight into the way my brain works, I did something even worse with my ex. I think I mentally cut him out of that little process. So I was doing and saying things, and not thinking about them, at all. (Now if only I could do that with my mother sometimes) Example: I got in a car wreck, and instead of calling him up, I text messaged him.
...another example: I invited him to see a movie with me. I invited another ex (one that came after him..i'm stupid) and pretty much did the equivalent of tossing his emotions through a blender repeatedly.

I cannot properly make amends for this. Sadly the past is done and gone, and I still have the capability of causing him immense pain. With this new insight though into my own incompitence, hopefully i'll have enough forsight and respect for him to be far more open with how I feel and forthcoming with details to any gatherings.

Despite how horrible I have treated him, I consider Eric to be my friend. Its about time I started treating him as such. (and as such i'll stop refering to him as my "ex", and hopefully he'll stop calling me "Him", cuz I sound nothing like that band).


Now for something positive.

The 27th i'm organizing a gathering to go see X-Men 3: The Last Stand. If any of you are interested, email me at roninjedi78@gmail.com

A gaming buddy's wife (she games too...so I should just say "a gaming buddy") recently had her baby. At least I hope she has. She went to the hospital this last week, and they were going to induce labor. I have no idea how that went yet. A phone call shall be placed soon to rectify that lack of knowledge.

I'm working on another dnd game. This is a campaign and less rules additions etc. Although of course, I have some customizations.

I've also converted my Iron Alliance website to a D20 site. I'm going to be working more on my homebrew level-less system on there. If you want to give feedback or aid, sign up/register on the site, and post your comments. I don't have much on there yet though. (some of the forums are restricted, and you'll have to email me to request access depending on what you want to do).

Burning Resurrection

I have returned. My writers block seems lifted for the moment. Moving into the new apartment was good for my mind and soul. I'm allot happier now.

I'm going to be without my computer for a few weeks it looks like. I'm okay with this. It will give me time to reflect on a few things and start doing some things i've put off thanks to how addicting warcraft is (and how weak minded I am LOL). I'll still be posting here thanks to my access to my work computer.

"I'm not looking to stand up real high. I'd be happy to crawl.
I think i'm losing my grip, but I can still make a fist.
You know I still got my one good arm, that I can beat, Ooohh, I can beat myself off with."
~Nine Inch Nails, Getting Smaller

haven't really felt like posting lately. Getting ready to move. Working, sleeping, gaming, rinse, repeat.

Anything new with you guys/gals?

Destroy all humans!

So I got back into playing magic. Not just "grab some friends and play" but I went to an actual tournament. It was lots of fun. I think I had more fun watching the other players twitch though.

I had all my cards nice and setup, and not in plastic covers. At one point when someone commented on how bad touching my cards were, I decided i'd wipe my forehead with my deck.

The game isn't worth it if it gives you an stroke.

On a side note, this week has improved. Now if only I could stay awake. Trying to get my energy back.

I'm off to work. I'll try to post again later.

Today is writers block day.

Even when I finally posted something (after deleting pages and pages of post), the system regurgitated and destroyed it. Today's posts were just not meant to be. I think i'll reflect for a day on the things i've found.

Writers block.

I'm just completely shut down today. I can't friggin write. I've deleted pages of blog post. Its all BLARG!!!!!

So much I want to say, and I just fucking can't!!! Not that I have any reservations from posting on here. Just that I don't think anything I say is justified, says what I want it to say, and is just too fucking long!!!!

Its monday. Not just in physical context, but metaphorically as well. Its fucking monday.

Diverticulosis/itis

Its that not so fun disease that old people get that makes them unable to eat solid food. If they do, thier colon goes nucking futs and they begin to vommit violently.

So that is what Steve has. =( It sucks allot, but at least now we have a name for it. Plus, its curable/treatable with surgery. So...at least its not permanent, but if not taken care of soon, it could be fatal.

When he goes into his fits of projectile vomit, it destroys his blood sugar levels and dehydrates him (he can't even keep water down). So if we aren't able to bring it under control, it will kill him. This is teh sux.

But...now we have knowledge. Knowledge in this case truelly is power.

On a positive note...i'm moving...again. This time the place is mine. MINE MINE MINE!!!

Mind you..i'll have 2 room mates. Steve, and Jeremy. And the place is thiers too. But for once its "me" choosing who lives with "me", not me being chosen. I know it sounds kind of odd, but for me it feels a thousand times better. I've been at the mercy of other people for far too long. My roomies will be good. Steve and me get along great, and don't have any issues at all, and Jeremy has been my friend forever (and I know his living habbits already). Plus...he's a cook. He cooks amazing food at that. He tends to talk allot, but i'll deal with that over a reclusive silent anti-social roomie anyday. (No offense to previous reclusive silent anti-social roomies i've had in the past...just you know...um....i'll shut up now)

I've been taking a break from warcraft. I needed to clear my head. I've been in one of my "downers" for the last month. Top it off with a little bit of unhappiness with my living situation, and other stresses (like my neck having a naughty defiant disk), and its just been a little much.

So for now..with my apartment approved and good to go, I feel a relief i've not felt in quite awhile. Like a great weight has just been lifted from me. I still have that whole "car payment and outrageous insurance" thing for the next Five frickin years...but my little deceptikia is worth it. ;)

The other car

I had to turn in my Elantra. As much as I loved that car, it was too expensive. Now I have a car a tad more affordable for the time being. Its a Kia Rio. The only word I can think of (and it seems to ring the same for others) is that the car is "cute".

The dark side of me finds that description to be rather repulsive. So i'll just have to deck it out a little bit. I have a nice decepticon decal I could put up in the back window >:)

Although I hesitate to do that because this summer's heat may permanently etch it into the glass. I don't want to depreciate the value of the car much, so in a year or so I can turn that around and trade it in for something else, or refinance it.

New Car Smell

So I went to Enterprise yesterday (i'd highly recommend them over a dealer). I have a 2005 Hundai Elantra. Me...got financed at a very decent price. WTF!?!

Its a very nice car, and I'm even having a lojack installed on it. (that prevents thieves from hiding my car anywhere)

Now...I just need to tell me dad. =( He doesn't really trust any purchases I make, especially if I have to sign my name on something.

Do the dance!

Most MMO's out there have a dance emote. Its usually /dance. So far I think my favorite was Asheron's Call 2.

You had 9 variations of dancing. Then also if you were holding an instrument (which dropped randomly in the world) you had 9 variations of that as well. It was most impressive amounts of emote time wasting. hehehe.

I miss that game. =(

Feeling Poetic.

(for your reading pleasure...today's poetic rants)

I am...giddy with freakish lemons.
To the west...I devote this lint as it is cast upon the wind.
Long live the queen.

Oh to the violence that boils within me,
may the peace and creativity of the light seduce me.
I am great, and I am broke,
but never poor.
Zero does not always mean nothing,
and often I find charity in that fact.

Stares in disbelief...

Its still not sitting well with me, and hard to type out. A friend passed away this weekend, and I can't put my feelings on it into words. For those of you that are friends with her, you have my condolensces, and I wish there was more I could do to help you feel better. There is now this hole in our lives. One where she used to be. I looked at her desk at work yesterday, and it took everything I had to fight back the emotions that nearly overwhelmed me.

For those of you reading this post, my friend who's blog is linked on my site as "Baby-Eater" got into a vehicular accident this weekend and did not survive. Death takes the greatest of things from us. It takes our friends, and family, which are truelly the only things of real value in this world. In this age we have the unique opportunity to read through her blog...litterally an online journal of who she was when she was allive, and we get to celebrate her life. Lets take advantage of that, and remember her for her life, and in the next to come, celebrate being reunited.

I can't really say anymore. ...End of line.

Role Reversal

Okay guys..I thought I was supposed to be stalking you?

In the last month (period of 30 days, not necessarily the period designated on the calendar) i've been reunited with 2 of my best friends from high school. (yes..I consider my ex-girlfriend to be one of my best friends, we had a wonderful time together as friend, etc, despite how that relationship fluxuated)

I recently was contacted my another buddy of mine that I went to school with. I haven't seen him in like five or six years or something silly like that.

You know you are friends with someone not because they make it a point to call you all the time, but when years apart they still think about you, and want to know you more. and vice versa.

You are all important to me. =) *okay..that is as mooshy as I get...now go back to playing with the red button!!!*

Now for something completely different

My website seems...fixed. I have no idea how. Oh well.

I went to Nine Inch Nails last night. As can be expected it was a very moving experience. I haven't seen Trent Reznor live since 1994 with David Bowie. He's bald now...and its very hot! ;)

Now...instead of asking me questions...go click the red button!

wow...that broke my site?!?

DEATH TO MY LIVER!!!

...so i'm fiening this morning really badly. I've been taking too many pain killers lately, and they don't really do much for the whole "slipped disk of doom" that causes the preasure in my head to skyrocket.

So I stopped taking them all together. Cold turkey sux. You never quite realize how bad it can be until you've become dependent on narcotics, and then just stop. I can't imagine what my dad would go through if he ever was rid of his migrains/headaches and stopped.

Yesterday I had taken over 32 IBprofen, and about 40mg of Hydrocodone (lortab). Who needed a liver anyway right? The sad part is that isn't my record...or even close to my record. Not that I want to push yesterdays dosage anyway though.

So...as of today...no more. I have ice packs for my head (the natural way to numb myself...and it doesn't make me stupid!).

I swear I answered everything honestly. This is really funny!!!! I wasn't trying to be evil..I just am! w00t!!!



How evil are you?

Look at that, another rabbit!

I think I lost count at 5000. That would be how many bunnies i've killed in World of Warcraft. I just randomly use a wand, rifle, or instant casted spell to annihilate thier little furry existence. Although technically they aren't furry at all. They are pixelated.

I've revamped my warcraft guild. Iron Alliance will be dedicated solely to DDO, and now Void Werks is the new warcraft.

"Um..what is Void Werks, and why did you spell it with an 'e'."

Void Werks is a concept that one tends to lean toward "pro-oblivion" in the context that maybe the burning legion is right, and some worlds just need to be blasted to small bits of space dust. Only the strong will survive and become powerful enough to shift thier soon to be immortal bodies into the Twisting Nether and join the rank and file of the demons.

Mind you...this is all in game RP rubbish. Sadly the developers will never allow any PC to become "honored" or even "neutral" with the burning legion or any of its many factions.

But one can hope.

As for the spelling of "werks". Its usually used in context to "making something". So to say Iron Werks would be a term for a foundry or a forge. Void Werks means we make lots of destruction for the ...you know i'm not even going to back on that tangent. You'll figure it out.

We are of course still alliance. I have dedicated my level 60 warlock to Power Leveling all my roomies. They are half way to 60 (over half actually). Then ...the raiding of molten core shall begin.

...and just then a tiny little dot caught my eye.

Today is kinda hellish. Woke u pwoth a really really bad migrain. I'm typing this with my eyes closed currently. (So excuse grammatical errors please). Although i'm in hell, I do hope you are all having a goo dweek. The weekend is almost here. Nothing else really to yack about, oh...except I scrapped my warcraft guild Iron Alliance (IA still exists in DDO but at this point I don't think i'm gonna have much involvement with that).

The new warcraft guild is called Void Werks. Think "addicted to magic" "burning legion's bitches". hehehe.

Clinking of the Glasses

So there I am reading my favorite web comic and I see that one of the writers had an anniversary with his wife. They had a hotel room to themselves, and the kid was with a sitter. What do they decide to do?

Raid Molten Core.

For those of you not in the know, Molten Core is a high end dungeon in an online game called World of Warcraft.

He also used his Mac to make a romantic photo gallery website about thier anniversary. WTF!?!

I'm a nerd. I love warcraft, and my other half plays it with me. But damn! If you get away from the kid for even a day....get the fun stuff out and ...get laid!!!!

Okay...now that I have that out of my system. I think its still kind of romantic they play games together and have such an amazing relationship.

By the way..if any of my readers wish to know more about World of Warcraft, there are a few links within this post that will provide important information about the game. =) You can always email me for more info or post here requesting it.

(Digital Crack Dealer)

LOOK OUT! ïòð

Jeremy is a radioactive squirrel!!

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

Moo, yes...that's right. Moo.

Monday is over with. Its Tuesday now. Twice fold does the sun shine, and the moon gleam.

March 14, 2006

It's time to let your defenses down and let that certain someone know exactly how much you care, or you could inadvertently hurt their feelings. Learn from the past -- most importantly, heal from it.

Not a big fan of horoscopes, but i'll chalk that one up to just plain good advice. =)

So i've had this odd premonition the last week. Its gotten stronger and stronger until the point where yesterday I was up at 3am (its rare they ever wake me up at night like that). Some people just have an impact in my life, and no matter how much time has passed apart, I always think of them.

First Love.
This often brings to mind a puppy's crush, or teenage sweethearts. Push that asside. We got over that along time ago. What i'm refering to is the epiphany of realizing who you really first loved, and that it was an unconditional love. The kind that binds you to a person of your own free will. Not some kind of strange obsessive freakish stalker craziness.

Its more of the love that "This person will always have a special place in my heart, and I wish them only the best no matter what path they choose in life." So they could call you up at 2am and say "Hey, I'm bored and feel like waking you up at 2am." and you really don't have a problem with that. Hell, you even doing bitch about it later (how many friends can you say you could do that for?), but sadly that whole "lack of sleep" thing still catches up eventually. Bleck.

So there I am, up at 3am, and I see an email. "Someone in myspace sent you an email" and I feel drawn to it (damn the corporate machine!!!!). I open it, and login to myspace (OMG they weren't running maintenance at 3am?!?). There she is. Out of the friggin blue. Depicted as one of the kewlest anime characters ever created (Integra Hellsing), and just....there. BAM! (thanks Emeril)

Now of course this morning i'm stil up at the buttcrack of well before dawn even thinks of happening, but for those of you that don't know, this is when I normally get up for work. If all goes well, that won't last long and i'll be waking up much later. I am trying to get promoted. (those of you that pray to whatever you pray to, do so please..I could use it)

So i'll end this morning with Moo. Its better than bugawk, and less terrible then quack.

Moo.

It's all about Stephanie

So i've realized the growing trend of negative posts on my blog. I don't seem to have much "good news" to report. I'll admit, I use this online journal as a vent most of the time. Either way though i'd like to have an equal combination of good and bad, and everything in between. That way people aren't going "I need a dose of angst...lets read Jeremy's blog today".

So today's blog is about Stephanie. She's the roomie of my friend Jeremy. This awesome girl has skillz in massage therapy. She's also one of your modern day wicca practitioners, and has a way of just uplifting the spirit of the room she walks into. (and yes...sometimes she does walk "into" the room. hehehe)

Clutsiness asside, she's an amazing woman that is good at cutting to the point, and getting to the heart of the matter. I'm allowed no quarter if i'm in a crappy mood, and she's not satisfied until i've pulled my head out of my ass, and have a smile on my face.

Thank you for being a friend Stephanie. You r0xX0rz!!!

Squishy!!!!

So yesterday I was driving in Henderson. As I came up to the intersection of Green Valley Parkway and Pebble Road this small white car pulls into the intersection in front of me.

Everything slowed down. I never lose control (this is a blessing and a curse at times, and the source of much anxiety). I was able to swerve my car and impact more of the front section of his car and miss the passenger door. Good thing too since he had 3 children in the car...oh and he was a child too. Driver's permit, and no licensed person in the vehicle.

I watched the front of my car hit and then BAM...the slowness was gone. My airbag exploded and burned my arm and impacted my head (much better than the stearing wheel). I'll never think of airbags as baby killers again. I'm sooo thankful for them. I hit that car at 45mph (no time really to even hit the break, it happened that fast) was able to jerk the wheel to angle the car, but had that airbag not gone off, I don't think the seat belts would have been enough to stop me from getting seriously injured.

My passenger was uninjured as well. We were shaken, but not stired. So I get out of my car. The entire front of my car is an accordian, and i'm facing almost the other direction (I bounced). The other car was able to pull onto Pebble, and has a messed up tire, and the frame around it. Not much else is wrong with it. Nobody in thier car was injured.

Thier "mother" showed up later while we waited for the police to show up. Some paramedics were at the starbucks across the street and heard the impact. They came over and blocked up the street for us, and made sure we were alright. They also prevented the little delinquent from fleeing the scene (not that his car would have made it far to begin with). The mother had the nerve to say "Maybe I should have said I was in the car." Instead she was at work, and told her son to drive illegally to pick up his sister. I hope she gets a nasty judge that holds her more accountable for that situation.

She has the same insurance company as me, but my car is now sitting in the henderson tow yard. Its innoperable and completely smooshy. I'm really sore, but alright for now. I have a docs appointment monday. My migrain isn't back (thank god) but I have a headache, and my left shoulder is really sore. I am just thankful I was able to walk away from that. I drove my roomies car this morning to work. I refuse to let fear drag me down, and was able to drive well and still felt comfortable with being behind the wheel.

So much for me getting off my hydrocodone. =/ Now its keeping my head sane again. Between my headache and my shoulder, work would suck this morning, but insteads its all tollerable.

Bork bork!!!
(it's what the swedish chef does)

DDO headstart began. Its tons o' fun. Not a replacement for warcraft, but definitely enjoyable.

Work is going really good. My migrain has subsided to a managable level and I've weened myself off of the pain killers (cold-turkey baaaad). I was on them for over month. Getting off them is not easy. Stupid opiates!!! =(

Having allergies doesn't help that either because it gives me a headache..and nothing downs a headache like Lortab! Weeee!!!

All is well in the land of Nod.

Although I still have a migrain (going on over a month now), things are okay. I'm catching up on my bills, and getting ready to move into another apartment with some new/old roomies.

D&D Online is coming out. I pre-ordered it. Gonna be fun.

Can't really think too well right now. Gonna end the post here. Just figured i'd put something up.

No love for pain.


The weekend is over with, and although incredibly busy, I'm glad its overwith. Normally my weekends are a needed bit of respit I need to function the next week. In this case my weekend was non-stop busy. I was thankful today when I went into work. Last week I was suspended so maybe that has something to do with it (making money good).

I'm getting ready to begin my d20 project. I can't reveal much of it yet, but I have a team of collaberators now. It will be fun I think.

My mom has to put down her dog this friday. I'm not looking forward to that. I feel so helpless. I've tried so hard to help her out. Nothing we did worked though. She has a cancerous infection in her leg. It has swollen so much that she can't walk on it, and can't even walk down steps. The infection is so far spread that even if we had the leg amputated there is very little chance she'd survive the process.

Steve is still in the Hospital for his stomach problems. They finally run some tests yesterday. That would be 4 days before they actually did anything. The day shift still neglects him, and won't give him enough pain killers. He's supposed to go through another test today. Hopefully tomorrow they'll at least discharge him so he can be in a more comfortable environment.

Three weeks was too long.

....(if you haven't read today's earlier post, know that this is a later post)

Today is the first day I didn't wake up with searing pain shooting across my skull. I feel stretched rather thin. Although i'm not in pain (and thus not loaded on meds..I go cold turkey well), I can still feel residual pain (think of it like phantom pain or left over soreness). I should be good after the weekend as long as Mr. Migrain doesn't deside to stuff another cattleprod in my eyeballs.

Okay, so here is my update on events.

I saw Underworld Evolutions about 2 weeks ago. Now mind you I had been suffereing for a week at this point from the migrain, but either I got the stupid idea to invite an ex, and an ex to the same event. It didn't turn into a cat fight, but I certainly got a mental slap to the head for it.

Now in my defense, I haven't exactly been too keen emotionally in the last year, and its felt like its been constantly getting worse. I broke up with an ex, and soon afterwards I let that "lonely" feeling one gets when you are recently single set in and caved in to date a new roomie. That didn't last too long, but by then I guess the damage was done. When someone references "this is why i'm not friends with ex's" it just strikes me as slightly hipocritical since said person is friends with me (and i'm an ex). I won't give up on trying to build a good friendship with more meaning that simple drama though (i'm stubborn like that, and think that certain people in my life has valuable qualities that make them exceptional in this world filled with people that choose to be unexceptional).

So then...

The next day I get a call at 2am from another ex (whom i've maintained an amazing friendship with as well) who was up on oregon...except he's no longer in oregon, and is in town, and wants to hang for a bit before he goes to his mom's in sandy valley (otherwise known as the netherworld!!!...if you've ever been to sandy valley you know what i'm talking about).

He had an absess (I think I spelled that right) and so the next day I took him to UMC and they drained the absess (not a fun process since it is in a very uncomfortable place). So they spew out,"You need to return daily to have the bandaging changed out." Of course i'm like "why can't we change it out ourselves." (later on I found out why...cuz open wounds are the most expensive things to treat in the world..the IDOSORB stuff they use on it costs 80 bucks for a tube smaller than toothpaste). Needless to say I inform my roomie that we'll have a guest for the week (notice the lack of "ask").

At this point i've been heavily taking my pain medications. The stuff my doc gave me for migrains isn't working, and one of the pain meds is making my stomach seriously upset. So our new guest assists in taking care of my dog (she's adorable...not that he attempted to resist, but if he had it would have been futile), and cleaning up around the apartment, etc...

So the whole week long I get the "jealous shoulder" bit. I ignore it because I really just have no stomach for stupid games.

So Thursday comes around. I wake up at 2am in the morning, and begin vomitting from the intense vertigo I was suffering from my migrain and the throbbing pain of the headache that accompanied it. I took my pain meds etc....but there was no way I was gonna get behind the wheel and drive to work.

I stayed home that day, and couldn't get ahold of my doctor. Turns out he was out of town. Friday turned out the same with my stomach and brain malfunctioning. I didn't sleep a wink. Saturday, same. Sunday I broke down and went to quickcare. They gave me a shot of Toredol (I think that is what it was), and a whole lot of it at that. So much that about 30 minutes later my face was jittery, and I could feel my teeth turning colors (think about that for a moment). I'm sure part of that was the brain damage, but anyway...

I get to work on monday and my supervisor spins me right around and takes me to the hallway. I sign the little paper, and bing..i'm suspended. I was gonna be fired if policy would have had its reign, but for once i'm at a job where they actually like me and feel I do my job pretty well. So my super went to bat for me. I had 3 days off to get my stuff taken care of. Mind you i'm so broke it isn't funny...5 days off pay is not going to be good.

I goto the doctor on tuesday. He's back in town. I inform him that the meds suck and the migrain is still kickin and in charge. So he tells me to stop taking the stuff that hurts my stomach (duh), and gives me 2 different migrain inhibitors to try and see which one works better. He also gives me a refill prescription for my hydrocodone (mmmm...good stuff).

So, the chaos of the last two weeks has started to diminish. Sorta. Friend from oregon is in the hospital again, but this time for his stomach. He had his galbladder removed a few months ago because it was infected. Last night his mom gave him bad pizza and it sprouted adamantium claws and tore up his stomach some more.

I think I recapped everything as best as my memory will serve me right now. This morning my migrain has diminished. I'll take the last of my inhibitor meds this afternoon just to be on the safe side.

I'm exhausted, but in a generally good mood. Things are looking up. I'll be living with some friends at the end of the month. (lived with them before, so not so many suprises) Lots of warcraft playing going on. Less drama please.

Optimism is best.

Always expect things to go well, but be prepared to handle the unexpected.

I said that to a friend this morning, and it just seemed to click. Life has been hectic at best recently, and I cannot wait for the month to be over with. I'm moving at the end of the month. My roomie is a nice guy, but he's too financially and emotionally unstable. That and he throws tantrums better than any 13 year old i've known.

I usually feel like i'm hopping from one frying pan into another. Last move was due to the fact I had a crap job, and couldn't afford my rent and bills. Also my previous roomies were either not around much, or just were in a world of thier own. Great guys mind you, but i'm just into completely different things, and so there wasn't much social time with them.

Had I not moved I would have been in a worse situation. Right after I moved, I blew 3 tires on my car (not simultaneously...one right after the other, within a few days of each). So things worked out in the end I guess.

Of course I moved in with someone that had even less in common with me, but was a decent conversationalist. When you sit and talk with him, he sounds perfectly normal and seems to have a level head. Then you see him in action, and you might as well be watching a wind up toy that moves in a straight line. No room for deviations there. If something doesn't go exactly as he planned it (down to every detail in his mind) he is completely unsatisfied with the results.

...i'll post the details of my happenings since my last blog later today.

Crippling

I couldn't sleep last night. Nothing new there. Head pounding, and every little noise within a mile creeped through my walls to ensure me I couldn't sleep. Then I get up as my alarm clock screams at me.

I couldn't find my keys.

Suddenly i'm very much awake. I tore my room apart. I couldn't find my keys. So at that point I felt my anxiety levels reach a point that I haven't felt in a very long time. I can't really describe how I felt realizing I couldn't goto work this morning. I had to call in, and on top of it my head is not doing so good (and neither is my sanity).

Finally after 2 hours of destroying my room, I went back to bed, and unconciousness took me. Although I think I would have passed out anyway had I not tried to lay down. I'm going to goto UMC later when I get my keys, and see if they'll give me a prescription for my pain meds, and a note for work so my boss doesn't kill me. (or worse, fire me)

per·spi·cac·i·ty

Acuteness of perception, discernment, or understanding.

What we have here...

...is an inability to communicate. I wouldn't call it a failure, because the attempt and desire is there. Words just simply fail to communicate properly. I try to express how I feel, and what is going on in my mind, but am accosted by a combination of frustration, anxiety, and find that the expression I wish to use doesn't exist in the english language. At least at that moment, it doesn't come to mind.

So instead I type and delete various sentences over and over again trying to find the right thing to say. In the end the result is the same as just sitting there staring at you, wordlessly unable to express myself. I tell you...at times its enough to make me feel like death would be a mercy (although i'm far too stubborn to accept that, not too mention i'm not that shallow and love my friends and family too much to take that chicken shit route out of this...so don't even go there).

See what I mean? My above comment is a simple example of how the words I want to use may or may not convey what I want to say. So instead I stumble back across what i've typed to re-itterate my point and be sure there isn't any room for deviation for what i'm trying to say.

The consiquences of what I say have disasterous consiquences that i'm not always willing to face. Too many times my lack of phonetical skill has betrayed my ability to express my emotions in a situation, and someone has taken what i've said the wrong way. Usually such a simple matter of just explaining myself, but had you met the people i've met, you'd know such a thing isn't possible when people are willing to crash you against the cliffs of ridicule. Or when the consiquence could be losing someone you never want to let go of. So instead I stagnate, and unless I can find the right words, and things to say, unless I can find a salvation from my consiquences then I watch as my bonds between friends, family, and loved ones fades away into nothingness...instead of severing...they just erode.

I won't stand for stagnation. I won't erode. I will not be subject to self destruction in any form. I will find a way to express myself. I will crush those who attempt to bring me down, and I will rise above my situation. Nobody shall find thier back upon my heal though. I need not push anyone down to rise up. In fact I wish to bring as many up with me as I possibly can. The universe has more than enough wealth, energy, prosperity, and life that we can all share it with no need for greed or desperation.

....yet here I am...desperate.

Chi flow

A leaf falls in the forest.....(no no no...every stupid thought of tranquility starts with a stupid forest and leaves...lets start over).

Loud music assaults the senses and the force of bass throbs every muscle in your body.

You are invigorated with energy. Your favorite song is playing so loud that you'll be deafened for hours after leaving the concert. People brush up against you, and they are all smiling, and checking you out. The person you've been kinda thinking about is pushed up to you, and grinding against you.

Your body sways back and forth to the sound of the music, and all the cares and worries flow away. Everything feels in alignment, and you gain your focus to persue the challenges of the day.


(...this alternative meditation technique has been brought to you by Jeremy. May your weekend be powerful)

1.9 and the babies cry.

The new patch for warcraft came out yesterday. Lots and lots of complaining commenced. Personally it was just a typical patch. Nothing extraordinary happened that doesn't happen every patch.

Mail went nucking futs (nothing new). Lots of UI mods need fixing now (working as intended). Tons of class features changed, and the lemmings hate having to try something new (cry more newb!).

I like the patch. Soulshard bags 4 the win!!!

Oh, I got to run Molten Core last night for the first time. We killed Lucifron and Magmadar. It was lots of fun!

I need to get keyed for Onyxia though.

In the darkness...

I stand on the edge of madness,
or maybe i've already jumped that cliff.
One can never tell until you hit the bottom, but by then who cares.

Fighting against this sadness,
trying not to sink into despair.
My emotions drive me toward this terror of which my soul it scares.

Fear consumes my waking hours,
and sleep forever fleeting never brings peace.
I close my eyes to hide from darkness, but shut out all the light.

It's not mine, but once was ours,
those things that bleed I cannot heal,
but i'll stand up to your demise, and your demons I shall fight.

In the light of your sight I stand tall.
In the darkness out of right, I shall fall.
You cannot fight what you cannot see,
and I hide within the darkness behind my wall.

written by: Jeremy Wunders
digital signature 01/03/06