No particular reason.

Its sunday. My birthday is tomorrow, and ..i'm kinda not looking forward to it, but at the sametime I am. I think they call this one of those moments when we just don't care.

I feel like i'm truelly turning 28. Not that I feel old, just older. (I think i've said that before) This isn't a gripe or anything, and I don't think its causing any anxiety. Its just a feeling. We all get it at some point, and now its my turn.

I hope I have successfully reconciled with an ex of mine recently. I'm always so terrified of hurting people. The closer I am to someone or the stronger I feel about them, the more affraid I am. This has lead to some rather annoying bouts of me not attending to certain needs of my own, or in the worst case, not allowing others a sense of closure due to me not just saying what I mean and dealing with it.

I don't like hurting people. As wierd as it sounds, I tend to feel some of the impact I make on others. Not in that strange "Betazed" psychic way, but because I have a rather annoying analytical side to my brain. It likes to play out scenerios in my head. Usually they are mostly negative. So if I do something, I generally get to kick myself a few times for it.

I don't let this get to me nearly as much as it used to.

Either way, there is always room for improvement, and even with that little bit of insight into the way my brain works, I did something even worse with my ex. I think I mentally cut him out of that little process. So I was doing and saying things, and not thinking about them, at all. (Now if only I could do that with my mother sometimes) Example: I got in a car wreck, and instead of calling him up, I text messaged him.
...another example: I invited him to see a movie with me. I invited another ex (one that came after him..i'm stupid) and pretty much did the equivalent of tossing his emotions through a blender repeatedly.

I cannot properly make amends for this. Sadly the past is done and gone, and I still have the capability of causing him immense pain. With this new insight though into my own incompitence, hopefully i'll have enough forsight and respect for him to be far more open with how I feel and forthcoming with details to any gatherings.

Despite how horrible I have treated him, I consider Eric to be my friend. Its about time I started treating him as such. (and as such i'll stop refering to him as my "ex", and hopefully he'll stop calling me "Him", cuz I sound nothing like that band).


Now for something positive.

The 27th i'm organizing a gathering to go see X-Men 3: The Last Stand. If any of you are interested, email me at roninjedi78@gmail.com

A gaming buddy's wife (she games too...so I should just say "a gaming buddy") recently had her baby. At least I hope she has. She went to the hospital this last week, and they were going to induce labor. I have no idea how that went yet. A phone call shall be placed soon to rectify that lack of knowledge.

I'm working on another dnd game. This is a campaign and less rules additions etc. Although of course, I have some customizations.

I've also converted my Iron Alliance website to a D20 site. I'm going to be working more on my homebrew level-less system on there. If you want to give feedback or aid, sign up/register on the site, and post your comments. I don't have much on there yet though. (some of the forums are restricted, and you'll have to email me to request access depending on what you want to do).