Welcome to the New Year...

It's kinda like saying "welcome to the jungle" if you live in vegas. This place becomes absolute chaos. So I tend to avoid anything near the strip.

I wish you all a happy new year, and best wishes to the next annual period. May your goals be reached, and your dreams come true. Party hard, but also remember to be safe. Seriously..if you drink, have a designated driver, or don't drive. If you are somewhere that you can't crash and don't have a designated driver, then you went to the wrong place. Sober up with lots of water. =) Get home safe.

Enjoy.

Merry Christmas!!!!!

Its not just a day. Its a season. From Thanksgiving through most of January, this time is supposed to remind us of what "good will towards men" means (in the ancient context where men refered to all of the human race, and not just the male gender...aka mankind).

Hope you all have a wonderful time!

Merry Christmas Eve

The holiday season has been a time of joy, and a time of a bit of sorrow as well. I've done my best to keep my head up. There are certain situations where my heart has strained though. I have all this love to give to everyone, and I reserve a special place in my heart for some people in my life.

I fail those I love. I hate it. I'm so human, and it drives me crazy. There are times when I wake up and I don't want to face the day. I want to scream right now actually. I'm feeling rather poetic (angst does that), and i'm so destraught with myself. Don't get me wrong, there are some great things i'm doing in my life right now. There are just a few things though were I'm just feeling like I'm this total asshole.

So..here I am listening to a CD that was made for me. I'm kinda balling my eyes out. I have a hard time expressing how I feel, and I use the music I listen to as a way for me to vent my emotions...so I guess it makes sense that its also the easiest way to get me to empathize with you.

How, oh how do I say "I'm sorry" in such a way as to express how I feel. How do I make myself vulnerable in the ways I need to, and yet keep my strength where you need it? I feel like such a terrible person. There is so much I can't say, and so much I want to. Am I being selfish or am I protecting those close to me. For now i'm just going to curl up and cry myself to sleep. In my dreams i'll find a way....

This song tends to be my theme song for how I feel inside most of the time:

I feel like there is no need for conversation
Some questions are better left without a reason
And I would rather reveal myself than my situation
Now and then I consider, my hesitation
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright

I wonder if the things I did were just to be different
To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence
And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation
Here and now I'll express, my situation

The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright

There's nothing ever wrong but nothing's ever right
Such a cruel contradiction
I know I cross the lines its not easy to define
I'm born to indecision
There's always something new some path I'm supposed to choose
With no particular rhyme or reason

The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright
I feel like there is no need for conversation

Burning Bright, by Shinedown

Scalops & Clay

So I had a small Christmas party/gathering/little not much of a get together. I didn't invite many people (mainly because my roomie invited too many of his friends/coworkers/peers).

Either way it was decent, and fun.

Sadly, it was during the week. I don't like having things like this during the week because I wind up having to goto sleep late and suffer at work the next day.

I haven't updated my blog much because i'm sick and grumpy. =P

I think I got all my xmas shopping done..I hope.

The Dark Chicken of the Apokolypse.

So last night I went to my Great Grandmother's birthday. She's 95. Amazing she has lived this long, and she's a nice lady until she opens her mouth and lets something mean and foul fly forth into this world to flay the skin from our bones.

My relatives decided they were going to smoke like chimney's and now my lungs feel like a pair of over used scouring pads, and my throat feels like it was scoured by them.

So today I shall kick back and relax and recouperate.

¡Ataque de los tomates del asesino!
¡Ataque de los tomates del asesino!
¡Le batirán, golpearle, aplastarle,
triturarle mastiqúele para arriba
para el brunch y acábele apagado
para la cena o el almuerzo!

¡Están marchando abajo de los pasillos - se están arrastrando
encima de las paredes que son gooey, gushy, blando, pesado - putrefactos a la base están estando parados fuera de su puerta!

¡Recuerde Herman Farbage mientras que elimina su basura que él dio vuelta alrededor y él vio que los tomates que ocultan en su árbol él son justos ahora una memoria! ¡Sé que voy a faltarla - un tomate comió a mi hermana que cayó Sacramento hoy - están marchando en tomates del San Jose están en su manera!

Me gustan las ranas.

Mi argot es todo incorrecto. Sé que esto es duro de traducir pero ésa es autorización porque Bolonia le obliga. Está bailando en su cabeza, y tengo gusto de las pequeñas salmueras del norte. Por supuesto ninguno de este sentido de la marca, porque su 6:30 de la mañana.

Did I mention I like frogs and pants?

So Christmas gets closer and closer, and more and more I find myself enbroiled in the retail nightmare that is commercialized holidays. I must buy gifts for people I appreciate very much in my life, and I stress because I want them to like the gift (I don't buy ties or sweaters, even if you beg me for them).

I of course need clothing, so I will truelly appreciate any such articles (unless they are tasteless bits of exploded color on cloth that should never be worn by a human being. If you think I look good dressed as the del taco spokes person, you need to be ran over...allot).

I was tempted to put "liquid chemical flame thrower" or "Home-made Napalm for Dummies" on my gift list, but I decided not to (because if you are my true friend, you already know I want these things, and do everything in your power to prevent my aquisition of them).

Everybody's PSPin. I want one...i've wanted one for awhile...ever since some evil monkey let me play lumins i've had this hypnotic song in my mind that keeps chiming away. My coworkers torment me with it, and my friends flaunt them like kewl hip new jeans that I wish to remove from thier person (for jealous and naughty reasons all in the same).

To the dungeon with you....

So DDO (Dungeons & Dragons Online) is starting its stress test. For those of you interested you can find it on File Planet.

I've been in the official beta for several months now though. Must say, i'm rather impressed. Its not like other MMOs in reguards to running around and exploring a huge world. Instead its allot of instanced dungeon crawling with allot of group support. If you are looking for something more akin to the tabletop experience, then this is the game for you.

I'm going to be updating my game site www.ironalliance.com with info and new themes for DDO. Its not going to have me giving up warcraft, but it will be fun to call up a few of you, and say "Hey lets go kill a dragon" and not need 40 people to do it.

Plus DDO has built in voice chat...no more ventrillo or teamspeak!

I dance because i'm sexy.

Since its monday, i'll refrain from anything overly negative in today's post. My buddy Andrew passed his driving test. Yaaay! (run for your lives!!!!)

Hellscream's queue went up to over 500 Sunday. That is a new record. As of today the server is now accepting transfers to the Staghelm server. For those of you tempted to do this..don't. Staghelm has had a reputation of having bugs and lots of downtime, and is already a full server. This transfer makes no sense to me.

I figure once they offer the pay for xfer service, i'll pester people I know to unite on another server or to all migrate to hellscream.

In other news, slashdot had a fun little article about Narnia:

louismg writes "Walt Disney Pictures' Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe took in more than $100 million at the box office worldwide in its opening weekend, riding the back of special effects powering nearly all the movie's characters, from the lion Aslan to the Gryphon, Minotaur, Centaurs and more. VFXWorld has a series of diaries with the technology geeks at Rhythm & Hues behind the special effects. (Part 1, 2) For the fantasy film's special effects, Rhythm & Hues teamed up with Industrial Light and Magic and Sony Pictures Imageworks to deliver more than 1,400 shots for the film, and used cutting-edge technology from BlueArc, NVIDIA and others to keep the effects' production running."

I like frogs. That is all.

The medium is angst, and the canvas....

As much as I never wanted to use this as a tool for my inner turmoil, it seems I have very little outlets to do so. I find my emotions almost running me over at times and as of lately more so.

I am angry.

How can someone be so damn selfish! Have I ever done something so terrible to a persons emotions and feelings so deliberately? If so, I beg forgiveness because there are punishments that include scourging that might seem pleasant compared to be ruled by the fires of despair.

It is one thing, to realize you don't love someone. It is another to never tell them, and instead take out every bit of your turmoil upon them, and subject them to verbal torment.

I reserve my angst. I hold it within me, and calmly attempt to confront that which vexes me. At times, people will not let me find resolution to these things, or I don't have the courage to carry through. But the later is my own sin.

I have given so much, and never expected anything in return. There isn't a "payment" I demand for my emotions, my adoration, or my friendship. There never should be. It's not "given" if there is expected payment. Its instead a "loan" of goodness. You'll be placated, and held in check, but should you ever think that you have recieved anything real or substantial, instead you shall find a hollow husk of emotion. A deceptive mask worn over a bitter face.

Torment drives the fire within me right now. I have no time for revenge. There is no justice to exact. Such thoughts are for the mad. There is simply this..a problem..and a solution. Now, for the courage to do what must be done, lest I be to blame for the situation I have allowed myself to become embroiled in.

More tales from the desert of the selfish.

So, i'm gonna vent (hey..daily posts means you get whatever I feel like posting at the moment). Last night I went to Walmart with my roomie. He bought himself a rather nice Eliptical machine (he has bonespurs so this is easier on his feet for working out). A very good investment in health if you ask me.

So we get back home at 10pm. Fact 1 - I get up at 4am for work. Fact 2 - Hammers are loud.

He decides he wants to put the eliptical together. So I go relax and get ready to goto sleep. At one point I help him a little by holding up one component while he hooks up some of its inner components. Then I goto bed (at this point its 10:30). I get woke up abruptly by him yelling and pounding a hammer. Walking into the hallway I ask him what's the matter and get a very loud and angry reply of ,"FUCK IT! It doesn't fucking matter!"

I got the impression earlier that he expected me to help him put this thing together. He didn't ask me before he started. He waited until he had already began, and had he asked me earlier I would have told him "I have to sleep, lets do this tomorrow."

So after getting growled at angrily..I shrugged and went back to sleep.


How inconsiderate and selfish can one person get? Obviously at lot more than I expect people to be capable of.

Keeping with the machine.

So per request, I shall see for how long I can go posting daily on my blog. I warn you though, that some of it might be senseless dribble as I strain to find things to post about.

Still working on my DnD d20 game (and i'll continue to update the status of that daily too). Got a handle on a possible balance issue with divine spellcasters. I am setting them to be able to heal at will for a minor amount instead of heal a big amount only so many times per day.

This would have unbalanced the times between encounters as the whole party would just get fully healed. So instead the act of healing will be "empathic" of sorts. The healer will take 1 point of vitality damage per 1d6 points of damage healed. This makes it to where the healer cannot heal themselves immediately. Instead there will be an invocation they can take called "Desperation" that will allow them to heal themselves at the cost of an ability point per 1d6 (they get to choose the ability point that takes the temp damage).

My coworkers are annoying. Not all of them...just 2. They misdocument tickets, and cause the customers to call in with completely worse problems than they originally had. I want to douse them in karosine and light them on fire. *anger*

But that annoying "murder charge" is the only thing holding me back. Down with democracy....i'll become a tyrant and everyone will love me, because i'll make them, with violence!!!!

For the raving masses.

Fine! I shall cave to pressure and blog more often. I shal subjekt yu to mai speleeng trajedies.

Hehe. I've began working on a custom D20 system again (some of you roll your eyes at this...i'll eat them..I swear..). It gives me something to do while i'm at work. Plus while I do this, i'm also going to be righting a story/novel along with it. I'm hoping that they'll symbiotically work together. The game system will give me balance, and the novel will keep my ideas flowing.

I'll update info on that as it comes along, and as inspiration of course makes itself aparent.

Marvelous Sigil

So Sigil, an up and coming MMO producing company (that happens to be made up of the oldest most experienced MMO creators in the industry) got the rights to make the Marvel MMO.

This is no suprise on Marvel getting into the MMO arena, since they attempted to sue the hell out of NCsoft.

What do you guys think of this? These guys made Everquest, and are making Vanguard. Personally I like Turbine's style and player commitment.