The holiday season has been a time of joy, and a time of a bit of sorrow as well. I've done my best to keep my head up. There are certain situations where my heart has strained though. I have all this love to give to everyone, and I reserve a special place in my heart for some people in my life.
I fail those I love. I hate it. I'm so human, and it drives me crazy. There are times when I wake up and I don't want to face the day. I want to scream right now actually. I'm feeling rather poetic (angst does that), and i'm so destraught with myself. Don't get me wrong, there are some great things i'm doing in my life right now. There are just a few things though were I'm just feeling like I'm this total asshole.
So..here I am listening to a CD that was made for me. I'm kinda balling my eyes out. I have a hard time expressing how I feel, and I use the music I listen to as a way for me to vent my emotions...so I guess it makes sense that its also the easiest way to get me to empathize with you.
How, oh how do I say "I'm sorry" in such a way as to express how I feel. How do I make myself vulnerable in the ways I need to, and yet keep my strength where you need it? I feel like such a terrible person. There is so much I can't say, and so much I want to. Am I being selfish or am I protecting those close to me. For now i'm just going to curl up and cry myself to sleep. In my dreams i'll find a way....
This song tends to be my theme song for how I feel inside most of the time:
I feel like there is no need for conversation
Some questions are better left without a reason
And I would rather reveal myself than my situation
Now and then I consider, my hesitation
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright
I wonder if the things I did were just to be different
To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence
And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation
Here and now I'll express, my situation
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright
There's nothing ever wrong but nothing's ever right
Such a cruel contradiction
I know I cross the lines its not easy to define
I'm born to indecision
There's always something new some path I'm supposed to choose
With no particular rhyme or reason
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning, burning bright
I feel like there is no need for conversation
Burning Bright, by Shinedown
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