The medium is angst, and the canvas....

As much as I never wanted to use this as a tool for my inner turmoil, it seems I have very little outlets to do so. I find my emotions almost running me over at times and as of lately more so.

I am angry.

How can someone be so damn selfish! Have I ever done something so terrible to a persons emotions and feelings so deliberately? If so, I beg forgiveness because there are punishments that include scourging that might seem pleasant compared to be ruled by the fires of despair.

It is one thing, to realize you don't love someone. It is another to never tell them, and instead take out every bit of your turmoil upon them, and subject them to verbal torment.

I reserve my angst. I hold it within me, and calmly attempt to confront that which vexes me. At times, people will not let me find resolution to these things, or I don't have the courage to carry through. But the later is my own sin.

I have given so much, and never expected anything in return. There isn't a "payment" I demand for my emotions, my adoration, or my friendship. There never should be. It's not "given" if there is expected payment. Its instead a "loan" of goodness. You'll be placated, and held in check, but should you ever think that you have recieved anything real or substantial, instead you shall find a hollow husk of emotion. A deceptive mask worn over a bitter face.

Torment drives the fire within me right now. I have no time for revenge. There is no justice to exact. Such thoughts are for the mad. There is simply this..a problem..and a solution. Now, for the courage to do what must be done, lest I be to blame for the situation I have allowed myself to become embroiled in.