Resistance if futile.

So attempts to stave off pain killers was futile. My brain of course decided to rebel. I ended up missing 3 days of work. Then I was stable enough to try to enjoy my weekend. It was off and on. I went to see X-men 3. Good movie...total lack of continuity to #1 & 2, but still a good movie (just an aweful sequel).

I got to see it with Eric which was very kewl. Now I just need to pick his brain on what he thought of it. =)

I'm working on another Mutants & Masterminds game (been working on it before I saw x-men). The premise i'm thinking is the world is normal (as we know it), but one day hundreds of people of various ages sprout super powers. How would the world react to the sudden existence of super powered beings? People of all ages, backgrounds, nationalities.

These super beings of course won't be your typical "Morlock" lamers either. Each of them are designed to be god-like, and larger than life. What purpose did they suddenly exist? What triggered thier power to exist? Of course I already have that answer, but its much funner to let the players find out.

Resistance if futile.

So attempts to stave off pain killers was futile. My brain of course decided to rebel. I ended up missing 3 days of work. Then I was stable enough to try to enjoy my weekend. It was off and on. I went to see X-men 3. Good movie...total lack of continuity to #1 & 2, but still a good movie (just an aweful sequel).

I got to see it with Eric which was very kewl. Now I just need to pick his brain on what he thought of it. =)

I'm working on another Mutants & Masterminds game (been working on it before I saw x-men). The premise i'm thinking is the world is normal (as we know it), but one day hundreds of people of various ages sprout super powers. How would the world react to the sudden existence of super powered beings? People of all ages, backgrounds, nationalities.

These super beings of course won't be your typical "Morlock" lamers either. Each of them are designed to be god-like, and larger than life. What purpose did they suddenly exist? What triggered thier power to exist? Of course I already have that answer, but its much funner to let the players find out.

Freaks!!!!

There you are, reading someone's comments listed publicly on the web. Not just any comments, but deep, personal comments!!! ......and here I am typing them out. ;-)

So today starts another beginning where I go off the pain killers completely, and go back to no caffiene. We'll see how this starts doing for me. (cold turkey...was bad!!!)

Its 5:30 in the morning, and i'm at work. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Happy happy joy joy

So today is the day. I'm 28 years old. I've gotten allot of "happy birthdays" today, and thank you all. I may complain slightly that I "feel older", but like I said earlier..its not a complaint..just an observation.

I decided not to take today off from work. Which has worked into my favor. I get more off the phone responsibility, and that means less people talking to me on the phone.

Plus there is no reason to make a big deal out of it. I realize that once you've had 25 birthdays, they tend to lose thier excitement a bit.

The really funny part is i've had a few people ask me,"What are you doing for your birthday." Last time I checked, the tradition was that I wasn't supposed to make my birthday plans. But since its been left in my hands, my only set plan is to eat dinner with my parents. The rest of the time I plan to do ...whatever I want at the moment. hehehe.

No particular reason.

Its sunday. My birthday is tomorrow, and ..i'm kinda not looking forward to it, but at the sametime I am. I think they call this one of those moments when we just don't care.

I feel like i'm truelly turning 28. Not that I feel old, just older. (I think i've said that before) This isn't a gripe or anything, and I don't think its causing any anxiety. Its just a feeling. We all get it at some point, and now its my turn.

I hope I have successfully reconciled with an ex of mine recently. I'm always so terrified of hurting people. The closer I am to someone or the stronger I feel about them, the more affraid I am. This has lead to some rather annoying bouts of me not attending to certain needs of my own, or in the worst case, not allowing others a sense of closure due to me not just saying what I mean and dealing with it.

I don't like hurting people. As wierd as it sounds, I tend to feel some of the impact I make on others. Not in that strange "Betazed" psychic way, but because I have a rather annoying analytical side to my brain. It likes to play out scenerios in my head. Usually they are mostly negative. So if I do something, I generally get to kick myself a few times for it.

I don't let this get to me nearly as much as it used to.

Either way, there is always room for improvement, and even with that little bit of insight into the way my brain works, I did something even worse with my ex. I think I mentally cut him out of that little process. So I was doing and saying things, and not thinking about them, at all. (Now if only I could do that with my mother sometimes) Example: I got in a car wreck, and instead of calling him up, I text messaged him.
...another example: I invited him to see a movie with me. I invited another ex (one that came after him..i'm stupid) and pretty much did the equivalent of tossing his emotions through a blender repeatedly.

I cannot properly make amends for this. Sadly the past is done and gone, and I still have the capability of causing him immense pain. With this new insight though into my own incompitence, hopefully i'll have enough forsight and respect for him to be far more open with how I feel and forthcoming with details to any gatherings.

Despite how horrible I have treated him, I consider Eric to be my friend. Its about time I started treating him as such. (and as such i'll stop refering to him as my "ex", and hopefully he'll stop calling me "Him", cuz I sound nothing like that band).


Now for something positive.

The 27th i'm organizing a gathering to go see X-Men 3: The Last Stand. If any of you are interested, email me at roninjedi78@gmail.com

A gaming buddy's wife (she games too...so I should just say "a gaming buddy") recently had her baby. At least I hope she has. She went to the hospital this last week, and they were going to induce labor. I have no idea how that went yet. A phone call shall be placed soon to rectify that lack of knowledge.

I'm working on another dnd game. This is a campaign and less rules additions etc. Although of course, I have some customizations.

I've also converted my Iron Alliance website to a D20 site. I'm going to be working more on my homebrew level-less system on there. If you want to give feedback or aid, sign up/register on the site, and post your comments. I don't have much on there yet though. (some of the forums are restricted, and you'll have to email me to request access depending on what you want to do).

Burning Resurrection

I have returned. My writers block seems lifted for the moment. Moving into the new apartment was good for my mind and soul. I'm allot happier now.

I'm going to be without my computer for a few weeks it looks like. I'm okay with this. It will give me time to reflect on a few things and start doing some things i've put off thanks to how addicting warcraft is (and how weak minded I am LOL). I'll still be posting here thanks to my access to my work computer.

"I'm not looking to stand up real high. I'd be happy to crawl.
I think i'm losing my grip, but I can still make a fist.
You know I still got my one good arm, that I can beat, Ooohh, I can beat myself off with."
~Nine Inch Nails, Getting Smaller

haven't really felt like posting lately. Getting ready to move. Working, sleeping, gaming, rinse, repeat.

Anything new with you guys/gals?

Destroy all humans!

So I got back into playing magic. Not just "grab some friends and play" but I went to an actual tournament. It was lots of fun. I think I had more fun watching the other players twitch though.

I had all my cards nice and setup, and not in plastic covers. At one point when someone commented on how bad touching my cards were, I decided i'd wipe my forehead with my deck.

The game isn't worth it if it gives you an stroke.

On a side note, this week has improved. Now if only I could stay awake. Trying to get my energy back.

I'm off to work. I'll try to post again later.

Today is writers block day.

Even when I finally posted something (after deleting pages and pages of post), the system regurgitated and destroyed it. Today's posts were just not meant to be. I think i'll reflect for a day on the things i've found.

Writers block.

I'm just completely shut down today. I can't friggin write. I've deleted pages of blog post. Its all BLARG!!!!!

So much I want to say, and I just fucking can't!!! Not that I have any reservations from posting on here. Just that I don't think anything I say is justified, says what I want it to say, and is just too fucking long!!!!

Its monday. Not just in physical context, but metaphorically as well. Its fucking monday.

Diverticulosis/itis

Its that not so fun disease that old people get that makes them unable to eat solid food. If they do, thier colon goes nucking futs and they begin to vommit violently.

So that is what Steve has. =( It sucks allot, but at least now we have a name for it. Plus, its curable/treatable with surgery. So...at least its not permanent, but if not taken care of soon, it could be fatal.

When he goes into his fits of projectile vomit, it destroys his blood sugar levels and dehydrates him (he can't even keep water down). So if we aren't able to bring it under control, it will kill him. This is teh sux.

But...now we have knowledge. Knowledge in this case truelly is power.

On a positive note...i'm moving...again. This time the place is mine. MINE MINE MINE!!!

Mind you..i'll have 2 room mates. Steve, and Jeremy. And the place is thiers too. But for once its "me" choosing who lives with "me", not me being chosen. I know it sounds kind of odd, but for me it feels a thousand times better. I've been at the mercy of other people for far too long. My roomies will be good. Steve and me get along great, and don't have any issues at all, and Jeremy has been my friend forever (and I know his living habbits already). Plus...he's a cook. He cooks amazing food at that. He tends to talk allot, but i'll deal with that over a reclusive silent anti-social roomie anyday. (No offense to previous reclusive silent anti-social roomies i've had in the past...just you know...um....i'll shut up now)

I've been taking a break from warcraft. I needed to clear my head. I've been in one of my "downers" for the last month. Top it off with a little bit of unhappiness with my living situation, and other stresses (like my neck having a naughty defiant disk), and its just been a little much.

So for now..with my apartment approved and good to go, I feel a relief i've not felt in quite awhile. Like a great weight has just been lifted from me. I still have that whole "car payment and outrageous insurance" thing for the next Five frickin years...but my little deceptikia is worth it. ;)

The other car

I had to turn in my Elantra. As much as I loved that car, it was too expensive. Now I have a car a tad more affordable for the time being. Its a Kia Rio. The only word I can think of (and it seems to ring the same for others) is that the car is "cute".

The dark side of me finds that description to be rather repulsive. So i'll just have to deck it out a little bit. I have a nice decepticon decal I could put up in the back window >:)

Although I hesitate to do that because this summer's heat may permanently etch it into the glass. I don't want to depreciate the value of the car much, so in a year or so I can turn that around and trade it in for something else, or refinance it.

New Car Smell

So I went to Enterprise yesterday (i'd highly recommend them over a dealer). I have a 2005 Hundai Elantra. Me...got financed at a very decent price. WTF!?!

Its a very nice car, and I'm even having a lojack installed on it. (that prevents thieves from hiding my car anywhere)

Now...I just need to tell me dad. =( He doesn't really trust any purchases I make, especially if I have to sign my name on something.

Do the dance!

Most MMO's out there have a dance emote. Its usually /dance. So far I think my favorite was Asheron's Call 2.

You had 9 variations of dancing. Then also if you were holding an instrument (which dropped randomly in the world) you had 9 variations of that as well. It was most impressive amounts of emote time wasting. hehehe.

I miss that game. =(

Feeling Poetic.

(for your reading pleasure...today's poetic rants)

I am...giddy with freakish lemons.
To the west...I devote this lint as it is cast upon the wind.
Long live the queen.

Oh to the violence that boils within me,
may the peace and creativity of the light seduce me.
I am great, and I am broke,
but never poor.
Zero does not always mean nothing,
and often I find charity in that fact.

Stares in disbelief...

Its still not sitting well with me, and hard to type out. A friend passed away this weekend, and I can't put my feelings on it into words. For those of you that are friends with her, you have my condolensces, and I wish there was more I could do to help you feel better. There is now this hole in our lives. One where she used to be. I looked at her desk at work yesterday, and it took everything I had to fight back the emotions that nearly overwhelmed me.

For those of you reading this post, my friend who's blog is linked on my site as "Baby-Eater" got into a vehicular accident this weekend and did not survive. Death takes the greatest of things from us. It takes our friends, and family, which are truelly the only things of real value in this world. In this age we have the unique opportunity to read through her blog...litterally an online journal of who she was when she was allive, and we get to celebrate her life. Lets take advantage of that, and remember her for her life, and in the next to come, celebrate being reunited.

I can't really say anymore. ...End of line.

Role Reversal

Okay guys..I thought I was supposed to be stalking you?

In the last month (period of 30 days, not necessarily the period designated on the calendar) i've been reunited with 2 of my best friends from high school. (yes..I consider my ex-girlfriend to be one of my best friends, we had a wonderful time together as friend, etc, despite how that relationship fluxuated)

I recently was contacted my another buddy of mine that I went to school with. I haven't seen him in like five or six years or something silly like that.

You know you are friends with someone not because they make it a point to call you all the time, but when years apart they still think about you, and want to know you more. and vice versa.

You are all important to me. =) *okay..that is as mooshy as I get...now go back to playing with the red button!!!*

Now for something completely different

My website seems...fixed. I have no idea how. Oh well.

I went to Nine Inch Nails last night. As can be expected it was a very moving experience. I haven't seen Trent Reznor live since 1994 with David Bowie. He's bald now...and its very hot! ;)

Now...instead of asking me questions...go click the red button!

wow...that broke my site?!?

DEATH TO MY LIVER!!!

...so i'm fiening this morning really badly. I've been taking too many pain killers lately, and they don't really do much for the whole "slipped disk of doom" that causes the preasure in my head to skyrocket.

So I stopped taking them all together. Cold turkey sux. You never quite realize how bad it can be until you've become dependent on narcotics, and then just stop. I can't imagine what my dad would go through if he ever was rid of his migrains/headaches and stopped.

Yesterday I had taken over 32 IBprofen, and about 40mg of Hydrocodone (lortab). Who needed a liver anyway right? The sad part is that isn't my record...or even close to my record. Not that I want to push yesterdays dosage anyway though.

So...as of today...no more. I have ice packs for my head (the natural way to numb myself...and it doesn't make me stupid!).