Zero Sum

So years ago I had this friend. She is amazing. Have you ever met one of those people that are smart, quick witted, and extremely honest (sometimes at the cost of tact)? That would be her.

Often over the last few years i've pondered on how much I miss this friend. I've tried emailing her, instant messaging her, etc. Sadly, it seems as if she no longer wishes to associate with me.

Since the last time I officially talked to her, she has gotten married, lost a relative, and gotten pregnant. She also spent a significant amount of time in Law School (which is sooo awesome).

Negative thoughts toward her have NEVER crossed my mind (she is just that awesome).

Then the other day, a small little troll whispered something in my ear. ...and I feel like a piece of crap. I am the worst friend ever!

You see awhile back she got me this really neat job at a museum. She worked there as well, and used some of her pull with management to get me in. I worked all of a month and a half. Then in my extremely lame way, quit. Did I mention i'm lame?

This discredited her reputation with management. Later she needed to help some other friends out, and was not able to do so. I tarnished her reputation with her employer. If I were her, I wouldn't talk to me anymore either. Looking back at my life, I can be pretty certain this was not the only incident that ticked her off.

I've come to the realization how badly I treated her. I can't appologize enough. Yes, i'll even admit I cried over it (I have very few people I consider a true friend...so realizing I lost one due to my own idiocy, really hurts).

...so where did all this suddenly come from?

Since I converted to LDS, i've been reviewing my life rather heavily. Mostly how i've treated my friends. Lets just say i'm not too thrilled with myself as a person. If any of you are reading this, and feel i've commited some sort of injustice, or slight against you, please..let me know. I'd love the opportunity to make amends (but should you decide i'm not worth the time for that, I understand, and accept it).

To all of you, I'm sorry.