I'm a jerk.


This is not a cop out. Its just a cold hard fact I have recently faced more fully than I ever have. Its not an excuse, and I make no reasons for it. Because that would not be facing up to it. It would be accepting it instead of doing something about it.

Of course i'm apologetic, but that won't change the fact either. It is something I have to deal with. So I ask you guys this. As my friends, I ask that you don't stay silent. Call me on my stuff. Support me in wanting to change that aspect. When I spaz out, when I demand control, when I flake out and don't follow my word no matter how simple that promise was...say something. Don't remain silent. If you do this for me, I may get angry with you then, but I will thank you for it later.

I feel like there is no need for conversation.
some questions are better left, without reason.
I would rather reveal myself than my, situation.
Now and then I consider my hesitation.

The more the light shines through me, I pretend to close my eyes.
The more the dark consumes me, I pretend i'm burning...burning bright.

I wonder if the things I did, where just to be different.
To spare myself all the constant shame of my, existence.
I would surely redeem myself in my, desperation.
Here and now i'll express, My situation.

the more the light shines through me, I pretend to close my eyes.
the more the dark consumes me, I pretend i'm burning bright.
the more the light shines through me, I pretend to close my eyes.
the more the dark consumes me, I pretend i'm burning bright.

There's nothing ever wrong, but nothings ever right.
Such a cruel contradriction.
I know i've crossed the line. Its not easy to define.
I'm born to indecision.
There is always something new, some path i'm supposed to choose,
with no particular rhyme or reason.

the more the light shines through me, I pretend to close my eyes.
the more the dark consumes me, I pretend i'm burning bright.
the more the light shines through me, I pretend to close my eyes.
the more the dark consumes me, I pretend i'm burning...

I feel like there is no need for, conversation....

~Shinedown, burning bright

A rollercoaster built to crash

Its such an appropriate phrase. I've been fighting with a continuous migrain for 3 weeks now. The longest one i've had ever. Although its not always trying to kill me. Sometimes its just simmering on low, which just makes me sick to my stomach and kills my appetite while making me see spots if I get exposed to too much light. Joy.....dain bramage.

Job is going GREAT!!! I'm so blessed to have this job. Everything is happening so fast right now. I'll be filing bankrupcy soon. I got my dad to help me find a decent attourney for it. He should have something for me today.

I'm gonna be moving over the next 2 and a half weeks. I'll be allot closer to work....gas money savings$$$

I've been playing City of Heroes allot lately. I preorderd City of Villains. I'm going to be reorganizing and reforming my guild for the launch of it in November. So if any of you are interested goto www.ironalliance.com and check out my latest post.

Oh...and I took this quiz I found on Baby Eaters blog:

Welcome to the first level of hell.

Those were the words uttered to me at work today. My first day that is. I am not intimidated though. I've worked jobs like this before and realize, that liking or disliking this job is all in your choice and perception. You choose to hate it or like it (or even both).

Needless to say, the person who spoke this negative phrase generally has only negative things to say in general.

Grain of salt aside...I had a blast today. Lots of information to absorb. Got a gauge of my supervisors, and of course got the rundown of other people's opinions of them as well. Another point I tend to believe on people making things out to be allot worse than they really are.

One of my sup's has been labeled as a micromanaging stick up his butt kinda guy. I find that if you do your job well, those people tend to seem less like that too you. Mind you...a power trip is a power trip, and those people will still tend to put preasure on you, but even then, you attract less attention than the guy they are getting screamed at about by upper management because he/she didn't fill out a trouble ticket correctly, etc.

Got to "shadow" some calls (where I sit next to someone, and listen to their call through another headset, while making odd scribbles on a note sheet). Although there was a network outage so I didn't get to hear too much of regular troubleshooting, I did get to find out that the intellect of the users i'll be supporting is no smarter than any other job i've worked at.

"Yah, I heard that IVR message on the network being down, but can I connect to my email?"

Gotta love em.

WOLVERINE!!


Which X-Men Character Are You??
brought to you by Quizilla

yah..somehow I got caught up in doing "one of those quizes". Who would have thought? I figured myself more of a rogue.

You've been haxxed.

So there I was attempting to download a nice illegal copy of cuteftp so I could do some web work when low and behold I infected my laptop with a damn virus. =/

I feel like such a darn newb.

Just more proof that p2p programs are EVIL!!!!

No good deed shall go unpunished.

So I got there 20 minutes early. Gave me time to say hi to some friends and kinda relax a bit. Then I suddenly feel like i'm on an episode of the apprentice, because there were 3 interviewers. Except they were wearing street clothes, and generally gave off that "nerdly presence".

It was very enjoyable though. They would take turns bouncing questions off me and I did my best to answer them. Meanwhile the monkey in my head had upgraded himself to Lord Raiden, and was juggling lightning bolts around my brain.

So after the interview I ate lunch with Bill, and kicked back for a bit. Very kewl guy, now if only I could get him to hang out more often.

I begin leaving..off with the button up shirt and tie, and thankfully I was smart enough to wear a T-shirt underneath (cuz that's just nasty if you don't...sweaty manboob inprints are gross). Then I check my voicemail on my phone and they have a message for me already. I am asked to turn around and come back. BOING I GOT THE JOB!!! (yes...I said boing)

I am Jack's giddy inner bitch.

Lookin Sharp

I have an interview this morning that i'm getting ready for (as I post this). It's with Lilly Pharmaceuticals. Which is a client of my previous employer, and a great chance to get my foot back in the door.

I'm doing everything in my power to keep myself moving. I've had a migrain that has been hammering me off and on for 2 weeks now but the last 4 days have been the worst. Between losing my lunch a few times, and the constant dizziness i'm thinking that after my interview, I need to take a long needed trip to the doctors. If he tells me to "drink more water" i'm gonna stuff an Aquafina bottle up his ass. =/ (mentally of course since i'm not really violent)

Sorry if i've been a little deceptive to a few of you that i've kept my migrain from. I don't like letting people know when i'm in serious pain especially when someone's day is going good.

I'll do another post after my interview.